Ryan from Wine Country

Dear Ryan,
You and I both know what happened that day you came by the river house.
I was home alone, after work, playing World of Warcraft in my office.

You knocked on the door, and I was surprised to see you.
We weren't in touch or friends at that point, other than times you'd come over as Tim's friend. Tim was my roommate.

I figured you were there to see Mike. I told you he'd moved. You said you knew. You said you were there to see me.

I was confused about why...

You asked to come in. I said sure.
We sat at the kitchen table and I offered you water. You asked if I had any beer. This shocked me, as I thought you were on the wagon, after what had happened to you... A conviction for Involuntary Vehicular manslaughter while driving drunk.

Everytime I'd seen you before that night, you touted the principles of AA and never imbibed when everyone else at my house was drinking.
I respected you for this. I thought you were cool. And I felt a deep compassion and curiosity for you and what you'd been through.

You then revealed that you had always harbored a thing for me. That you thought I was an amazing woman, that you were attracted to me, and you always wondered why I was with a "jerk like Mike". You talked about how I deserved better.

You asked about the break-up and what I was doing with my life.
I told you about how I was unhappy with Mike and it exploded into a separation that was long coming, and that now I was happy to be living alone and had a full time job at O'Reilly Media in Sebastopol.

I was simply unhappy with my dogs, that Mike and I had gotten together and when we split, he completely neglected responsibility for.
They tore up the house and were a real nightmare, and after taking them to a vet, I had my suspicion confirmed that they were half pit bull, not half black lab.

I wanted to move and was seeking a better living situation.

Out of the blue, during this conversation, you offered to help me move.
You told me that you had a family property and wanted to let me live there.
I didn't understand this generosity and the urgency you expressed about it.
You kept telling me how gorgeous and amazing I was and staring at me.

I asked you where you were before you came over, as it seemed you'd been drinking. You said you were at the pub with Tim and some other people.
This immediately made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I sensed that your visit was a prank, that you were put up to it by Tim and the other people you were with through a drunken fit of prank playing.
I felt that you were not sincere in your protestations of love.

You told me that you wanted to marry me. You know you said this.
You said you could marry me and that you were not happy with your current relationship.

I told you that I didn't know what to think of all this. I said to you, I'm really shocked by all this, I don't know what to say.
And you said, please let me know what you think.
I said... I really don't know.

At this point it got uncomfortable and I asked you to go.
I walked you to your car, as you continually turned around and tried to hug me and get a confession of returned feelings.

Then I saw you drive off.
I was really confused and shocked.

You called me a few days later, and I got your message.
Then, my cell phone was cut off and I lost your phone number.
And the irony is, I did not know your last name....
I did not know how to find you.
I was so cut off from Mike and his friends and family that I had no way to find you.

I hope you are now having a happy life. I hope you are healthy.

I still wonder if you were sincere.
And I wish you the best.

Leila